Panicz
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Eye sea ewe!
Posts: 6
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Post by Panicz on Feb 1, 2009 4:29:30 GMT
Impossible Words A Poem by Panicz Saturday, January 31st, 2009 There are times in the year when the black bear sleeps; When the weather is ruled by lions and sheep; When cats bark thunder and dogs bark rain Where the warm winter sun won’t shine again.
There is sometimes a time when the colourful fruit Is strangled and killed by the asparagus root. It’s then that the crow of the warm winter snow Will bite and will fight ‘till the fruit again grows.
Incandescent black light shines some of the time, When the DJ of deaf meets the watcher of blind, But in rhyme do we trust and in rhyme do we do What the logic of life claims cannot be true.
There are times in a life where words can be wrong, Where sticks and stones are actually strong, And where the tortoise loses to the hare in the race, Where us acting naturally is a slap to the face.
I’m scared of the place, of the method, of time Where impossible words are unlinked from the rhyme. But the carniverous fears of the cat the and sheep Are really what’s keeping the bear from his sleep.
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Post by danielazarc on Feb 1, 2009 6:46:26 GMT
That's quite an amazing poem, I'm really impressed. It flows really well and it's just a great read overall. Very nice job~!
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Panicz
New Member
Eye sea ewe!
Posts: 6
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Post by Panicz on Feb 1, 2009 17:18:29 GMT
Thank you!
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Post by Ĵşħ on Feb 2, 2009 19:57:48 GMT
Very nice poem! I do have one suggestion though I think 'There is sometimes a time when the colourful fruit ' should be 'There are times when the colorful fruit' . That is my only suggestion, the poem still reads smooth without the change, but I think it makes the flow even better. Very nice poem! Keep up the good writing.
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Panicz
New Member
Eye sea ewe!
Posts: 6
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Post by Panicz on Feb 2, 2009 23:45:11 GMT
Well, if you switched it, then there would be 9 syllables instead of 12! But I do get it. Sometimes we all play around with words (even quite pointlessly) so that the 'flow' of a poem isn't compromised.
I'm glad you like it! Thank you.
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Post by Signore Kai on Feb 4, 2009 15:12:36 GMT
I like this very much. It all flow together very well and it forms a very interesting image in my head. Me likes. I can't see things I'd improve in this one, so I'm not going to pick it apart. Gooooood job!
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