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Post by Dalton on Jan 21, 2009 2:25:37 GMT
Dear friends if youre reading this its far too late
It means my heart had all it could take
Just know the pain hit all to fast
Theres no way my heart could last
Dearest friend you should know as I die
that I saw I was a failure in your eyes
Dearest love I hate you couldnt see
That you meant everything to me
To those few loving friends, please dont cry
There was no reason for my life.
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Post by danielazarc on Jan 22, 2009 7:13:04 GMT
Nice poem there. :] There's just a small thing or two I saw critique-wise.
'Dearest love I hate you couldnt see
That you meant everything to me'
On the first read it looks a bit choppy, lack of punctuation in there made it difficult to discern what was supposed to be read how at first. The second thing is mainly a few grammar things in there like 'to' instead of 'too,' but it doesn't take away from the message much.
On a positive note it conveys the message well enough, it's short but it gets it out there. It's definitely got that sad note to it. I like it overall.
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Post by Ĵşħ on Feb 2, 2009 19:53:11 GMT
Nice poem! I like it, but I think there are some parts that need some changes in the wording. I like the idea and the way you have things lined up, but as Artemis said, the poem is choppy.
I suggest going back and re-reading it and then making word changes, so that the poem flows. Good luck!
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