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Post by spiritheartlady on Nov 14, 2008 4:58:52 GMT
Autumn Sunrise By Lori Triggs Copyrighted Nov. 13, 2008
Autumn is here, while the cold blankets the air, the autumn leaves show their majestic yellows, with oranges and outstanding browns.
They fall with mysteries of the weather changes, while the wind becomes stronger, The colors change on the plants with flowers even trees blooms with color.
The autumn clouds roll in to blankets in the skies with stillness and quiet, the coolness in the mornings with the evenings wants you to snuggle up in a warm blanket.
Autumn trees as colorful as you can see that is blankets the land for its winter’s dream, The animals lay asleep while the butterflies and birds go south for the winter.
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7.dust
Junior Member
Posts: 75
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Post by 7.dust on Nov 19, 2008 3:07:58 GMT
Pretty good! I like it a lot, except that it really doesn't seem to flow very well. There isn't any rhyming, which isn't bad, but when you have lines that extend as long as yours the sentences kind of drag out. Other then that, it was great! I'd give it a 4/5. A lot of depth on Autumn, makes it a perfect seasonal poem.
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Post by spiritheartlady on Nov 25, 2008 22:56:48 GMT
I re-editted the poem so it flows now thank you 7.dust.
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Post by ><Lamaenic>< on Nov 27, 2008 3:01:21 GMT
This poem seems mostly monotonous. I think that your use of the word Autumn over and over again also deteriorates the eloquence of the piece. I do like your use of imagery, but to me this can see much more improvement. "Autumn trees as colorful as you can see " This line is awkwardly worded, you might think of another phrasing. I think this could do some work, but I see promise in it
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Post by spiritheartlady on Nov 30, 2008 21:33:37 GMT
Thank you °º¤LU§Tə® Laəman¤º°.
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Post by ><Lamaenic>< on Dec 3, 2008 13:29:00 GMT
x)
You can call me Luster, you don't have to copy and paste the whole name x)
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