Nature Fairytales

[spiritheartlady]

Nature Fairytales
By Lori Triggs
Copyrighted February 2009

The trees stretched out by the waters edge of a lake
With the birds flying over the tree tops looking for food,
Seeing the worms on the top soil with fish swimming going down stream.

With frogs on lily pads in the clear water near the edges of the lake
They sit waiting for flies to come by to eat for lunch,
While the fairies are flying around the flowers even dance on the petals.

The snakes are slithering to the lake to keep warm
They are looking for rodents to eat for a snack,
Seeing rabbits eating grass by the trees as the morning dew goes.

While the bees are flying around landing on flowers gathering nectar
With the butterflies fluttering their wings showing their colors,
Near a babbling stream with butterfly flowers with bushes all lush to see.

[danielazarc]

I like it. Good use of imagery, easy to visualize the scene you've got here. If there's anything I could say about it, in the second and third stanzas, the repeated use of the word 'lake' seems ever-so-slightly awkward. Apart from that it's well written.

[spiritheartlady]

I was setting up the poem to be all about the woods and lake with all the small creatures in life.

[Signore Kai]

I like the description, how you try to pick little things that would be there in the woods and lakes, and building an imagery around them. I like it. The only problem I have, is your structure.

I'm not a pedantic poet; I'm not fussed over structure normally but I feel that the lack of a rhythm minuses from your poem. As it stands now, the rhythm feels awkward, and it's hard to follow. Just my two cents.

[spiritheartlady]

I fixed that now Nathan helped me their with one line that messes things up.