Artos' Thoughts

[artos]

It's taken me years to develop an (somewhat) engaging, complex, and elaborate online persona. It allows me to interact with people in a manner that I normally would not. It's the mirror image of who I am.

It's boring. It's no fun when people don't understand. The humor is lost, and it comes out all wrong. The truth is that the perceived ego is-- and has been --a part I have long chosen to play. It was fun, and it was a rush to get a rise out of people. But now that's all but gone, and I find myself having to defend every last word from those who have grown to hate me. More power to them, I suppose, because I guess I did it wrong (or right?) and have strained all relations.

You know, in the end, though, it was that little exchange of words with the former SSD members that really got me to think about things. Of course, chief of which was realizing that they were the end result of what I do; I could never come close to that. It takes a certain and special kind of disregard for others to turn up like that. It's something that I do not like even being remotely affiliated with, and was the impetus for this conclusion and action.

So let me make it clear now: I am not like this in reality. This digital persona, the name tied with it, and all the like-- it's an alter ego. An avatar. It's a pretty crappy one, too, if people hate it. I can't even find a way to be sarcastic and combine it with irony anymore; I've long since played that out. It's stale. It's just progressed to being a hurtful, snide, terrible excuse for a person, and, looking back, I wonder why I kept up the facade for this long knowing that. This is not me, and I apologize for acting as such for so long.

I now find that participating in a simulated social environment for hours on end is a great waste of my time. It was enjoyable when I was in high school (and parts of college) when I had few other options, but I've no more time. Like so many before me, between work and an active social life, there are certain things that I must excise from my routine. So I suppose it is the right time to stop. (Then again, maybe it was time to stop years and years ago.)

I post this now not as a cry for attention or a means of pity. I've long been over the line, and this is an apology for being a complete and utter tool. I truly am sorry, and the only way I can make up for such is to leave in disgrace. All good things come to pass as they should; it's a shame that it is not the case here.

So take care, SSD. I hope that you'll continue on however you may; don't let the bastards keep you down.We had some great times, and we had some bad times. I'll keep that close to the chest, you can rest assured.

Farewell.

[now uc it]

"I truly am sorry, and the only way I can make up for such is to leave in disgrace"

vs.

"Yes, because abandoning that which you “served” is what people need to take from this."

Time commitments aside, I dare say "leaving in disgrace" is not the fix for any arguing a person causes in the community. Staying around as a contributing member is.

---

If you notice, when we talked outside of SSD, I rarely called you by "Artos." Your real name, and the person who belongs to it, is what I always saw you to be, and so I generally observed your SSD persona as an act. That said, I don't buy that some of your personal comments to me were of that same vein. I wish you had come to me and just flat out told me that you had a problem with my being a member at a certain place. Mainly because the person I think you want to be- the person you strive to be in real life-- would have held that maturity and been unsatisfied with the usual "Well I don't care about that person, so I can say what I want" response.

I also think that at some point, fun and games put aside, you have to realize you were using people as pawns in your little chess game. And whether you believe that the people here are ignorant, self-absorbed, socially awkward, or just mean-hearted, you also have to realize that you belittled them as human beings-- and thus complex holders of emotions-- in this little "Artos" game. Condemn others as you want, but you also failed to see someone as a human being. Whether you made a thread raving about them being a bitch or chose your words more carefully to incite anger in another member, your level of skillfulness only meant something in your eyes. It was a finely played character and a well-played game, but your apology is meaningless if you fail to see the worst crime you committed: treating others as a means to your end.

Personally, I forgive and forgave you just as I have others in the past. In a strikingly similar pattern that you condemned me for when I applied it to someone else. Whether or not others do, I would at least like to venture that I see what you want yourself to be. Ending this game would seem to be a step in the proper direction, and I am glad you chose to take it for yourself.

Good luck with the Mormons, and you know how to reach me if you ever have a change of heart about our friendship.

[Admin]

... hmm. I can't say that I know how to respond to this. Other than I always wondered what happened to the kind hearted, fun to talk to guy that I originally had met and befriended. It sucks that you turned to doing something so ridiculous and meaningless, but you're only human. Just like the rest of us. I hope you keep in touch on MSN, at least. <3

[danielazarc]

I can't say I expected this. I can only say that I've only known this persona you speak up, but I can't say that I hold it against you, either. Best of luck.

[Ovi]

Wow, so much for abandoning that which you served.

[Nexxia]

he's right

[Admin]

I want my 'tos back.

[Spektral]

lol whatacreeper