Post by The Herald on Apr 30, 2008 17:31:11 GMT
Q: what is your favorite Death Cab for Cutie song and why?
A: For a while it's been the one-two combo of We Looked Like Giants and A Lack of Color from their Transatlanticism album. To choose just one of either would be utterly profane. However, my preference is bound to change as I delve into their earlier works.
Q: How do you keep your hair so smexy?
A: I murdered a French hair stylist and drank the blood from her veins (it tasted like a vintage 1956 Chateau Latour, by the way), which in turn blessed me with the hair that you currently lay eyes upon. Even I used to be ugly like the rest of you!
Q: Why is your hair shinier than mine?
A: Refer to above. But... it'd still be shinier regardless.
Q: Whats your favorite joke?
A: Oxygen is a lot like sex—it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Q: What do you think of gay marriage?
A: I think it's fabulous.
Q: Do you not think that most people on SSD just need to calm down a bit and realise that this is just an internet forum?
A: It's common knowledge to know that the internet is—without a doubt—serious business, but until someone's Cloudsong has been stolen, clearly we are in no position to judge and/or act like hot shit tiki bars.
Q: How long is your penis?
A: <---------------------------------------------------------------> (not to scale)
Q: Why is there no sugar in my house, and why do I find out AFTER I made my tea?
A: I would make a joke at the expense of what little common sense you have at the time of said tea-making, but I am in no position to take such a crude jab at one of my most loyal and dear friends. P.S. Thanks for the sugar.
Q: Which is better, Family Guy or The Simpsons?
A: This has been much disputed for years, with dictator bastards going as far as claiming that Family Guy has blatantly ripped off various gags and jokes from The Simpsons, usually with years apart from each other in air dates. However, as proven on a fantastic episode of South Park, virtually everything has been done on The Simpsons, making it near impossible to be original with a modern cartoon. The only relevant thing that seems to matter is who executes it the best, which brings me to my answer: I thoroughly enjoy a majority of episodes from The Simpsons, but only when they are not going extremely far and beyond with their corny pop culture references and one-liners that plague much of the newer episodes. One would argue and claim that Family Guy has done the same corny garbage since the beginning of their series, but as stated before, they execute it in a way to where it's not obnoxious and redundant, ultimately tipping the scale and leaving me preferring Family Guy over The Simpsons. Notably, if you had included Futurama in your question, it would have saved me from such a long-winded explanation. Nothing beats Futurama. Nothing.
Q: Burger King vs McDonalds, who wins?
A: I'll save you the Family Guy vs. The Simpsons-sized argument and just say Burger King. Tastes less white trash.
Q: If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
A: Stoner Icarus Gresham. My nickname would be Siggy, and I would be a guitar virtuoso whose talents would rival that of Steve Vai, John Petrucci and Yngwie Malmsteen, but with not so much of the fretboard wankery most guitarists tend to display these days.
Q: Um.....I think you'd look nice in green, how about you? What is your color? Don't say black
A: 75% of my wardrobe is black, but even if it wasn't, I'd still say black just to spite you.
Q: If you had to be any of the Little Debbie snacks, which would you be?
A: Star Crunch. Doesn't it sound cosmically delicious? It does. You can see why I've chosen it.
Q: What day are you going to die? exact date, time, year necessary.
A: 2012/12/21. I could be wrong, but we'll see.
Q: If you could meet anyone from history, who would you meet?
A: Dead rockstars and revolutionaries.
Q: Your most over-used saying?
A: I have more than enough sayings to populate a whole decade's worth of popular sitcom icons, but I am quite the stoner with how frequent I seem to fit "dude" into everyday conversation. Seems about right, dude.
Q: If you were running for president of the United States, what would be your campaign slogan?
A: Ask not what I can do for the country; I'm too busy not having sexual relations with that woman.
Q: What is your most embarrassing possession?
A: You may think Pokémon cards are laughable and quite homosexual, but my holofoil Charizards will be worth big bucks in the next decade.
Q: If you had to pick a color to represent your life, what would it be?
A: Black. I might just be saying this to spite Tasha again, though.
Q: Soundtrack for your day so far?
A: The first two albums by Jane's Addiction: Nothing's Shocking and Ritual de lo Habitual. Did you know that the band was named after Perry Farrell's drug addicted roommate, Jane Bainter? She's sober now, and has reportedly been to Spain. I hope someone gets that reference.
Q: Are you an internerd?
A: I prefer the term "Internet God".
Q: Would you grow sideburns? DO YOU HAVE SIDEBURNS?
A: It all depends on if they're badass X-Men Wolverine sideburns or drunken Uncle Steve's sideburns.
Q: If you were a holistic, herbal supplement, what would you be? And why?
A: My gayometer instructs me not to answer such a ludicrous question, for fear that rainbows will redecorate my soul and leave me tempted to buy fashionable yet affordable jewelry from Claire's.
Q: if you were to work for a company, what would your icon be, a blow fish or a kangaroo?
A: Kangaroo. See above.
Q: How much time do you spend, in your lifetime, getting pens to work again when they act stupidly?
A: Call me crazy, but that might just be your own bad luck.
Q: If you were a girl, would you be an aggresive field-hockey player?
A: I would hope I'd be a smart female and not reduce myself to such astronomically low standards.
Q: What's life like for you, hard?
A: Only for about 10 minutes a day, but that's solved within due time.
Q: What guitar are you currently rocking?
A: I coaxed my brother out of his black Squier Strat after the wiring in mine decided not to work anymore one day. The acoustic guitar I have is virtually only worth smashing over Tom DeLonge's head. Both are warped and near unusable, so you can obviously see my reasoning.
Q: If you had world famous band, what would you want it to be called?
A: Psychedelic Muskrat and the Flaming Hot Cheetos.
Q: What up and coming band do you think will someday be remembered like The Beatles or Zeppelin are now?
A: Personally speaking, I believe Omar Rodriguez-Lopez of The Mars Volta is undoubtedly on his way to becoming the next Frank Zappa and Miles Davis in terms of how prolific and influential he is. A large majority will claim that Rodriguez-Lopez's music is nothing but a bunch of improvisational wankery, but who's to say nobody said that about Zappa and Davis back in the day? Music ages like fine wine.
Q: Do you listen to any hip hop?
A: Not only do I take time out of my destructive headbanging tendencies to listen to said hip hop, I've been writing and producing hip hop albums of my own with Shelby "Big 'n Tasty" Morris for a good two years now. Look for the Peace Pipe studio LP this summer, kids! We're pulling a Radiohead/Nine Inch Nails and releasing it for free, just like we've always done!
Q: Would you make out with a dude... IF IT WAS ME?
A: [insert typical and disgusting joke about being a certain person's monkey sex slave and that I'm not permitted to have sexual contact with anyone besides that certain person himself or else I'll have bananas painfully inserted in all kinds of nasty little crevices]
Q: DO YOU WISH YOU HAD MY SIDEBURNS OZZEH
A: I'm not too entirely sure if the steel wool style you have going on would accommodate my own facial structure. Technically speaking, of course.
Q: name your favorite (or if you don't have one, give a mention to) song from each of your electronic albums (Severance, CN, huttons and Understory), and what it is about each that you like about it.
A: Gusty from Frequent Severance, because of the inside joke behind it, but primarily because of its catchy melody and production values that I've rarely ever been able to top in terms of creating a classic song. Mars Causatum from Crashing Nightingale, because of the progressive song structure and that it could potentially become one of my proudest achievements in electronic music with a complete re-recording. Aeronaut from Hutton's Paradox, because of the somber and quiet emotion that emanates from it that I don't often stumble upon. And finally Floodgate from Understory, because it sounds like the floodgates of hellishly epic waters have been unleashed unto the world. But in a cold reality, I honestly hate everything. This question is now meaningless.
Q: yes or no?
A: Ye—no.
Q: quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
A: Tell them a noble lie.
Q: What would you rather bee or a wasp?
A: Neither—I wanna be somebody. Another crude reference.
Q: What happens when an unmovable object meets an unstoppable force?
A: God kills a politician.
Q: I was in london when I met a londener he said that he had lived in london since birth. I asked him what he thought about the city and he told me "all londeners are liars" if he is a londener, is he telling the truth?
A: Londoners are jackasses if that's how he answers your question.
Q: Large Hadron Collider: safe science or doomsday device?
A: It would be quite the (obvious) phenomenon for man to be the cause of his own ultimate destruction. Too bad nobody will be around to document it.
Q: Why does e = mc2?
A: Emancipation equals Mariah Carey to the second power. I mean, it surely has nothing to do with Albert Einstein's equation of energy, mass and celeritas! Why else would Mariah Carey make such a ridiculously ignorant attempt at clever wordplay?